She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
