I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My feet surprised me
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