Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
