i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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