just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
