I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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