You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
