hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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