I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
