I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
