She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
