Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
