ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
