Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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