Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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