apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I faked an abortion last night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
