Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
