i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize