I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
