I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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