I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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