i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
