I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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