I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
