There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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