Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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