Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
