you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
