I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
