You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
