Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
