Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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