I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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