I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
