So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
