if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
