I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
as a side note pls kill me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
