yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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