I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize