also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
