Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
