My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
