I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
