the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize