You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
