Please, let me fuck your mom
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
