is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
