I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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