haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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