some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
