when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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