My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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