I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize