my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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