If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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