I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she smelled like a LAN party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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