john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
