There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
