Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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