I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
