I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
